TRUST IN MARRIAGES: UAMINIFU KATIKA NDOA

Trust In A Marriage

The degree of trust that we have for one another is essential to the way we live. There are several variations and degrees of trust that are manifested in our surrounding, starting from the day we are born and lasting throughout our lifetimes.

Some people never learn to trust anyone, not even themselves, while there are those who trust others with all their heart and soul without giving it a second thought.

Patterns of trust begin during early childhood. A child learns to trust his mother, father, siblings, and others who may have a long or short term presence in their lives. This determines, in large part, who you trust and how much you trust others later on in life.

Love and trust are two decidedly different emotional bonds. You can love someone very much and not trust them at all. On the other hand, you may trust someone with your life, and not love them in any way whatsoever. You may start out loving someone dearly and then, over a period of time, for whatever reason, stop trusting them. The same can happen with trust. You can trust someone very much, but quit loving them.

In your marriage, where does this leave you? Once the trust is gone, it's hard to get back.

A person may spend there whole marriage deeply in love with their spouse, but with little or no trust. They spend their time worrying, thinking about where their spouse is, who their spouse is with, and what their spouse is doing. Not being able to trust a spouse is nothing less than emotional torture. It may scar a person psychologically for the rest of their life.

The reason why so many marriages end up in divorce is because of a lack of trust. Trust, along with love, is the bedrock of any marriage. Without trust, there is usually nothing outside of misery and foreboding for either one or both spouses.

If you don't trust your spouse, what are your options? There aren't very many!

• You can live with things the way they are or you can separate or divorce, both of which are not good options if you want to stay in your marriage.
• You can confront the lack of trust issue head on by talking to your spouse about your concerns and try to work out a solution between the two of you.
• You can seek advice from a professional marriage counseling service or from a church based marriage counselor.

These options are there if you are already married, but if you are engaged, or thinking about getting married, your next best option is to take a long, hard look at the person you are going to marry. If there is a hint of mistrust, ask yourself why you feel the way you do. Before taking wedding vows, make sure that you are certain that love will conquer all other marital debits if you do go ahead with the marriage.

What people take into a marriage is crucial to the outcome. Both love and trust is needed if the marriage is to be successful. Without saying, you can learn to love and trust someone after marrying them, but if the love and trust doesn't manifest itself from the very beginning, in most cases, the time will come when insurmountable obstacles are going to present themselves and you may have a problem saving your marriage.

If you don't trust the person that you are going to marry, or if there is the slightest doubt about trustworthiness or honesty, you may do yourself a big favor by taking a moment to resolve your anxieties. You should try to repair any problems before starting on your journey because marriage is a very serious undertaking and it may cost you more to get out of it than what it costs you to get in.