Tuesday, April 24, 2012

JEALOUS IN MARRIAGES

Whether you are the jealous partner or whether your spouse is the jealous one, irrational jealousy can eventually destroy your marriage. Here are answers to frequent questions about jealousy and things you can do to overcome jealousy in your marriage.

What is Jealousy?

A. "Jealousy is a reaction to a perceived threat -- real or imagined -- to a valued relationship or to its quality. A nationwide survey of marriage counselors indicates that jealousy is a problem in one third of all couples coming for marital therapy."
Source: A.M. Pines, C.F. Bowes, "Romantic Jealousy: How to recognize where jealousy comes from and how to cope with it",
Psychology Today, March 1992.
 
"A little jealousy is reassuring and may even be programmed into us. It’s very common. A lot of jealousy is scary, and has driven people to some very dangerous behavior. There’s no reason to believe that jealousy will improve with time or marriage ... Because jealousy goes right to the core of the self and its roots are deep, it is not something that can be banished by wishful thinking."
Source: Hara Estroff Marano, "Advice: A Jealous Fiance",
Psychology Today, Feb. 2, 2004

Is Jealousy Natural?

A. "In relationships where feelings of jealousy are mild and occasional, it reminds the couple not to take each other for granted. It can encourage couples to appreciate each other and make a conscious effort to make sure the other person feels valued ... Jealousy heightens emotions, making love feel stronger and sex more passionate. In small, manageable doses, jealousy can be a positive force in a relationship. But when it's intense or irrational, the story is very different ... Occasional jealousy is natural and can keep a relationship alive, but when it becomes intense or irrational it can seriously damage a relationship."

What Do Jealous People Feel?

A. Jealous individuals experience a multitude of feelings including fear, anger, humiliation, sense of failure, feeling suspicious, threatened, rage, grief, worry, envy, sadness, doubt, pain, and self-pity.

"Jealousy keeps us under a sense of discouraging frustration and disappointment. It makes us gloomy. It is such a depressing feeling that we cannot tell about it to even our best friends nor can we contain it within ourselves. Consequently, it leaves us with an inconvenience of a peculiar misery and if allowed to grow unchecked beyond a limit, it works like a slow poison to our healthy nature."

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

KIFO NA MAZISHI YA KANUMBA

KIFO CHA KANUMBA
Kanumba enzi za uhai wake.
Naanza na kutoa Pole kwa watanzania wote, hasa ndugu jamaa na marafiki wa karibu wa Kanumba The Great (R.I.P) kabla sijatoa mchango wangu kuhusu hili jambo zito na nyeti ambalo limetawala maongezi katika kipindi hiki cha Sikukuu ya Pasaka. Mengi yamesemwa na pia kuna mengi pia hayajasemwa, moja wapo likiwa "ujinai" wa Lulu katika kifo cha Kanumba.
Kanumba enzi za uhai wake.
Katika mukatadha wa sheria, tunaona kwamba Tanzania ni moja ya nchi zenye kuuweka uwajibikaji kijinai kuwa chini ya UMRI wa miaka 18 kwa kuweka miaka 10 kama umri ambapo mtu anaweza kushtakiwa kwa kosa la jinai. (Linganisha na Kenya miaka 8, Zimbabwe -7,Zambia 8,Africa Kusini 10) n.k. Ina maana kwamba mtu (mtoto) aliye chini ya umri huu hawezi kushtakiwa labda ithibitishwe kuwa alikua anajua kabisa anachokifanya. Lulu hafit kwenye kundi hili hata kama ana umri wa miaka 17 kama ambavyo Mh Halima Mdee ame tweet leo baada ya kumtembelea LuLU Oysterbay Polisi.
Tukiacha sheria na matakwa yake, kwa kuzingatia yale yanayosemwa kuhusu mkasa huu wa kifo cha Kanumba (R.I.P), inatupasa tuone kuwa kila hadithi ina pande mbili. Hadithi ya Kanumba ambaye kwa sasa hayupo kuelezea, na hadithi ya Lulu aliye mahabusu. Inasikitisha sana kwamba kifo kimetokea katika mazingira ya kutatanisha. Kifo hiki kimesikitisha watu wengi na kufanya udadisi wa kutaka kujua ukweli ulio objective iwe vigumu. Watu wamebakia kushusha lawama ZOTE kwa Lulu tu bila kutaka kujua haswa ilitokea nini hadi kifo hicho kikatokea.
Kama watanzania wengine napenda niseme kwamba , nahuzunika kama wengine kumpoteza Kanumba na pia kuona ndoto zake kama msanii zikizimwa ghafla. Aidha wapenzi wake wamekatishwa ile raha ya kuendelea kuburidika na filamu zake. Pamoja kuwa na huzuni kuu, pia najaribu kuangalia upande wa pili – Lulu! Huyu binti wa miaka 17/18 kijamii bado ni msichana mdogo japo kisheria hasamehewi kuwajibishwa kijinai. Lakini uwajibishwaji huo utakuja pale upelelezi utakapokamilika. Kufuatana na waliobahatika kumuona huyu binti, ana majeraha kuashiria kuwa alipigwa na kuumizwa na marehemu. Ingekuwa marehemu hakufa, basi nadhani kesi hii ingekuwa ya aina yake kama ingefika kunakohusika. Wote walijeruhiana. Lakini mazingira ya kujeruhi huko ni yepi?

Tumeambiwa na hata kusoma kwamba:
1. Lulu alienda kwa Kanumba usiku mkali mishale ya saa 6, kusudi watoke kwenda kucheza muziki kwa msanii Chaz baba – Mashujaa band ( Kanumba alishapiga simu kutaka andaliwe viti na sehemu maalum ya kukaa yeye na marafiki zake na pia akiomba hata wimbo maalum atakapofika)
2. Lulu alitoka nje kusikiliza simu – Kanumba akamfuata na kumrudisha ndani ili aeleze anaongea na nani.( Hapa tunaona kabisa Kanumba akianzisha shari yeye mwenyewe badala ya kuepuka shari)
3. Kanumba alimfungia Lulu ndani wakawa wanagombana. Aggressor hapa ni Kanumba na siyo Lulu.Kelele za ugomvi ziliashiria vurugu na kwa vile mlango ulifungwa na ufunguo, ilikuwa vigumu Lulu kukimbia tena au hata watu nje kuja kutoa msaada.
4. Lulu alitoka nje kwenda kumwita Seth na kumwambia Kanumba kaanguka.Lulu alikimbia akiwa na majeraha.Hii haionyeshi kuwa Lulu aliua vinginevyo angetoka kimya kimya akatokomea.
Sasa ndugu zanguni, kwanini Lulu anaonekana alifanya mauaji ya kukusudia? Ikiwa Kanumba alianguka katika purukushani na kuponda kichwa na kufa, Lulu kaua vipi? Kukamatwa na polisi na kushikiliwa ili kusaidia uchunguzi ni utaratibu wa kawaida sana. Nimewahi kushuhudia mtu kajiua, ndugu yake na mkewe waliomgundua kajining’iniza walikamatwa wakakaa ndani ili wasaidie uchunguzi Ilahali mtu kajiua mwenyewe. Ilisikitisha sana kwa maana wafiwa walitiwa misukosuko kwa kifo ambacho marehemu alijiletea kwa kujitundika. Walikaa masaa kadhaa kabla ya ndugu kwenda kuwatetea na kushinikiza waachiwe!
Kwenye hii kesi ya Lulu, bahati mbaya sana Lulu ana sifa mbaya kwenye jamii kiasi kwamba hakuna mtu anathubutu kumtetea na kumsaidia angalau aweze kujipanga kukabiliana na siku za kusubiri hatma baada ya upelelezi. Kibaya zaidi kuna statements za watu wazito ndani ya jamii, statements ambazo zenyewe tu zimeshapasisha kwamba Lulu ndio muuaji. Kibaya zaidi, unyeti wa hali inayozunguka msanii maarufu kipenzi cha wengi utaathiri hata mwenendo mzima wa upelelezi na kitakachojiri to the detriment of Lulu.

Nadhani kwa vile hii haijawa kesi ya kimahakama, na kwa vile jamii inazungumzia hiki kifo, hakuna ubaya tukawa na scenario zote.
Sijaandika haya kwa vile nataka kumsemea Lulu asiwajibike kama anahusika kijinai bali najaribu kupanua mjadala.
Nawasilisha.

MAELEZO YA LULU POLISI
Baada ya kugoma kutoa maelezo kwa takribani siku nzima ya jana, mwanadada Lulu hatimaye amezungumza na polisi na kuelezea kilichotokea baina yake na marehemu Steven Kanumba. Kamanda wa Polisi Mkoa wa Kinondoni, Charles Kenyela, alisema Kanumba alikufa kutokana na ugomvi uliotokea kati yake na rafiki yake wa kike Lulu. "Kanumba amefariki usiku wa kuamkia leo (jana) majira ya saa tisa usiku, kwa kile kilichoelezwa kuwa ni ugomvi kati yake na rafiki yake wa kike anayejulikana kwa jina la Elizabeth Michael 'Lulu' mwenye umri wa miaka 18. Alisema kabla ya ugomvi huo kutokea kati yao wakiwa chumbani, simu ya Lulu iliita na akaamua kutoka nje kupokea kitendo kilichomuudhi Kanumba.
Kamanda Kenyela alisema Kanumba aliamua kumfuata Lulu nje huku akifoka kwa sauti akitaka aelezwe kwanini alitoka nje kupokea simu huku akimtuhumu kuwa huenda alikuwa akizungumza na mwanaume mwingine. Aliongeza baada ya Lulu kuona Kanumba akimfuata aliamua kukimbia kutoka nje ya geti , lakini kabla hajafanikiwa kufungua geti,
Kanumba alimkamata na kumrudishwa ndani. Kamanda Kenyela, alisema Kanumba akiwa amemshikilia waliingia wote chumbani na kufunga mlango. Hata hivyo, alisema haijulikani nani aliyefunga mlango, ingawa maelezo ya Lulu anadi kuwa aliyefunga mlango ni Kanumba. Kamanda huyo alisema Lulu anaeleza kuwa baada ya Kanumba kufunga mlango, alimuona akilegea na kujigonga kisogo chake kwenye ukuta wa chumba hicho kabla ya kuanguka chini.

Alibainisha kuwa uchunguzi wa awali unaonyesha kuwa Kanumba alikuwa amekunywa Whisky (pombe kali) aina ya Jacky Daniel, hata hivyo, bado wanachunguza zaidi kujua kama kweli Kanumba alilegea tu na kuanguka, ama alipigwa na kitu kizito kichwani au alisukumwa kwa nguvu na kumfanya aangukie kisogo. “Uchunguzi ukikamilika tutampeleka mahakamani kwa tuhuma za mauaji,” aliongeza Kamanda Kenyela. Chanzo: http://mwananchi.co.tz/ ( Habari hii iliripotiwa jana. Imerudiwa hapa kwa manufaa ya walio na kiu ya kujua kilichotokea.)

MAZISHI YA KANUMBA
 Jeneza la mwili wa Kanumba
Mwili wa Kanumba ukiwa unaagwa
Watu mbalimbali wakitaka kuhuhudia mazishi ya Kanumba.
Wananchi wengi walizimia kwenye mazishi ya Kanumba.
Steven Kanumba's final resting place
Kaburi la Kanumba.
Mambo mengi yamesemwa kuhusu Kanumba, Mengi yanaendelea kusemwa na mengi zaidi tunategemea kuyasikia kuhusu KIFO CHAKE, ZABABU ZA KIFO, NA HATIMA YA LULU MICHAEL. Safari ni ndefu sana tusubiri.
 KBK: MAELEZO NA PICHA TOKA MITANDAO MBALIMBALI

 

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

PEOPLES POWER YA CHADEMA