DATING IN MODERN LIFE

BASIC FACTS ABOUT DATING

Dating poses one of the greatest problems that face young and adults today. Frequently, especially for the young, they experience frustrations, discouragement and even depression over this important aspect of their lives. Some feel guilt ridden because of their sexual involvement. Others suffer depression because they have no one to date or because they care for some one who fails to return their affection. Anayependwa hajui kama anapendwa na anayenda hajui kama hapendwi! What is dating? Dating is a special kind of relationship between two persons of opposite sex, that is a boy and a girl that may lead love, courtship and marriage.

Why dating?

There are a number of positive reasons for dating. Dating is for personality development, to learn to know and understand the opposite sex, to fill the human need for love, to fill the social need for fun and recreation, to develop spiritual growth and to find a future marriage partner. There is a big chance that you will marry someone whom you have been dating with.

There are also negative reasons for dating. Most of the bad reasons involve selfish motives. Dating situations in this category are mainly used for exploitation. In some cases dating is motivated by money but most commonly dating is motivated by sex. The guy who dates for sex is exploiting the body of another to satisfy his self sexual desire.

Stages of dating

Dating begins with friendship: a special kind of relationship. Love and all the romantic stuff follow the developing friendship. Dating has five stages the first is friendship between a boy and a girl. In the second stage friends move into DATING! Mambo yaanzia hapa. There are three phases of dating which are casual, special and steady.

Casual dating

This involves no special emotional involvement. You date for the pleasure of having something to do and someplace to go with a member of the opposite sex. These necessary and positive steps give you the chase before you become emotionally involved to get affiliation with the opposite sex.

Special dating

Special dating requires a limited degree of emotional involvement. Lets say a very special event will soon come up at school. You see some one at the event and you become interested with him or her for a date.

Steady dating

Steady dating means that two young people commit themselves to date only each other. The dept of emotional commitment will vary with the couple. Some teenagers take steady dating seriously and form long lasting relationships.  Others use the relationship as a means of security so that they will never have to attend a function alone or appear dateless!

The third stage of dating is the-engaged-to-be-engaged stage. This is a relatively new term used to the period between going steady and becoming officially engaged. A couple who has gone steady for some time beings to talk in terms of a permanents relationship and makes tentative plans towards marriage. The understanding is private and personal and not final or binding. They make no formal announcement, set no wedding date, and prepare no wedding plans. They do however plant to get married and talk of a future time someday when they will get married.

The fourth stage is formal engagement. In this stage couples commit themselves to marriage by exchangiend some symbols that binds their commitment to each other. They usually use engement rings. Hey also publiclcy announce their intention to marry, conlude their explorations of personalities and establish a time for planning the wedding. Care should be taken for a lady that in some cases (hasa za Kibongo) that a man (boy?) may use the engagement stage just to win the lady (especially those who consider themselves as Wagumu or the nowadays so called Matawi ya juu).

The fifth and final state of dating is the marriage. Marriage is supposed to follow the engagements stage. Statistics show that 40 to 50% of all engagements are broken. Break up of engagements means that couples failed to allow sufficient time to know and understand each other and to make intelligent decisions.

Take care and see you next time.